And it was a false alarm

Yep... I got my period today.

But you know what... I am somewhat relieved. I was suddenly not quite sure if I could go through it. There are too many things that I have to give up. Suddenly I feel like I am not sure if this is what I want!

This whole week I've been really confused and scared. Although I was looking forward to something positive, at the same time, I was also sad because I ahd to let go of so many things in my life. I wonder if I am making sense.

From the many websites and books that I've browsed through, apparently my concerns are not uncommon. There are surprisingly many books that discuss on how to be mentally and psycologically prepared. As people are nowadays having children later in life, career and financial stability is one reason why. Lifestyle is also another factor. Needless to say that there will be many changes in that with little ones around. I think this is what I am having problems changing. Changing my lifestyle is going to be hard for me. I just can't give up my space, my financial freedom, my time etc.. Geeeez this is hard.

This week when I thought I was pregnant, reality hit me. I realised that I still am clinging on to what I am used to right now. I am having difficulty letting go of what I am comfortable with right now. I realised that I was not really prepared.

I'm so bummed and confused.